Someday, Maybe is a story about grief. It follows Eve as she grieves her husband, Quentine, who died unexpectedly. Her friends and family urge her to move on but she’s not ready; instead, she goes down memory lane trying to figure out what led her husband to suicide. The book is the author’s debut novel, published in 2022.
Greetings, once again dear reader👋🏽👋🏽
I hope you are doing well and taking good care of yourself.
Welcome to another edition of this spectacular newsletter.
Today’s newsletter is a guest feature by Ogechukwu, a History and International Studies student, who spends her time reading and buying more books to add to her already overflowing shelf.
It’s one thing to lose a spouse but it’s a different kind of pain to lose a spouse to suicide. The way Q died raised a lot of questions from family and friends, and Eve couldn’t answer any of them. She and her husband were so happy together and loved each other so much so what did she miss and how did she miss it?
She became a mess—taking to alcohol and sleeping pills, and even skipping meals. She was in pieces and her family and best friend, who were there to help and support her became scared for her. Eve’s grief didn’t only come from losing her husband but also how she did. She blamed herself; wondering whether she wasn’t a good enough wife and Q wasn’t happy with her. She kept asking herself what she missed. Is it the same Quintine who is allergic to strawberries but eats them anyway even though it meant itchy lips afterward for a couple of hours? Maybe she didn’t even know him at all. Why couldn’t he confide in her when he was struggling?
“To grieve is to frighten the people you love.”
A week later, she found she was pregnant and although she was surprised, she was indifferent. If she wasn’t a good wife to Quintine, what would make her a good mother to his child? Finding out she was pregnant didn’t change anything for her, but her family members paid more attention to her. People think because you have cried in their presence, they’ve witnessed real grief but that’s not always the case. Even after Eve went back to work, she still wasn’t herself. Her workplace had to let her go with a huge severance pay after several instances of drinking at work and taking pills.
“And while it is bad to miss that the love of your life is drowning, it is infinitely worse for the love of your life to be drowning and not trusting you enough to share that with you.”
Eve couldn’t grieve silently, and even though her family loved her and would move the earth for her, they wanted her to get over this phase quickly for the sake of the baby she was carrying.
Onyi Nwabineli beautifully crafted the stages of grief the protagonist went through including dealing with her mother-in-law who had always despised her. She now blamed her for the death of her only son and claimed she had deprived her of the opportunity to see him do remarkable things.
“Nobody tells you that to grieve is to shoulder the expectation of others. The requirement is that you mourn in silence. I do not know how. Therefore, I grieve out loud.”
Someone suggested therapy to Eve and after so much convincing, she decided to go. The day she went was the last time she ever set foot there again; she just wasn’t ready and could not go back there. The next time she tried, she didn’t make it to the room. She found herself in a life drawing class; she had always had a thing for art after all. In the following weeks, she went to the art class and that was where she met Luisa and Drew. Being around new people was refreshing for her but one thing about people who grieve loudly is that you can see the sadness on their faces. Luisa and Drew supported Eve even without knowing so much about her.
Grief comes in different stages. When Eve got to the acceptance stage—that Quintine was gone and as much as she would love to ignore her mother-in-law and her tantrums, she needed to put that madness to an end. She went to Q’s photo studio searching for any clue of a suicide note but she didn’t find anything. That was when she decided that she needed to get back up and gather her pieces.
This story was raw and that’s the beauty of it. Eve had a remarkable support system. Everyone she met throughout her journey of grief helped make it a little bit smoother; kind gestures of varying degrees from each person put a smile on her face. This book was a masterpiece and I highly recommend it.
Have you read this book? What did you think about it? Kindly leave a comment.
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