#8: I Don't Know Where My Husband Is, Plis.
A Review of Yinka, Where is Your Huzband? by Lizzie Damilola Blackburn
Happy new year! 🎊🎊
I hope you are doing well and taking good care of yourself.
Welcome to another edition of The Reader’s Perspective newsletter.
“Huzband: a nonexistent man in a nonexistent marriage whose wheareabouts is often asked, usually by Nigerian mums and aunties…” - Author
Yinka, Where is Your Huzband? is the author’s debut novel, a romantic comedy published in 2022. The book follows a single 30+ woman as she embarks on a quest to find a date for her cousin’s wedding in six months. Although light-hearted, the book has a strong message and explores the importance of friendships and individuality.
From changing her hair and working on her figure to learning more Yoruba, Yinka was consumed with the idea of being a perfect partner and became rather critical of herself. In the process, she learns some lessons about life and love, rediscovers herself and works on the other relationships in her life.
When I read this book, I felt seen by the author. Besides feeling attacked by the title, it was a good read — easily 7/10. I love that all the members of the cast in a typical when will you marry intervention were duly represented. All hell may have broken loose but it’s only getting married that seems to matter.
Yinka’s mother is frantic because her almost-32-year-old daughter is married. Worse still, her 26-year-old sister is married and expecting a baby. At every turn, she is bombarded with questions about getting married and in true Nigerian fashion, there are prayers for her to find a husband at every family gathering.
After 30, women in and from Nigeria (maybe other parts of Africa) are often considered to be in that phase where they cannot be picky about men and Yinka was no exception; she had to take what she could get and keep it moving. From everyone asking her if she was not over her ex to her aunts trying to set her up with someone in their church, she was really going through it. Even when she lost her job, it seemed to be more important that she find a huzband.
“They forget that love is a process. That you need to fall in love first, not just meet a random guy and decide he’s the one to marry.”
It’s the conditioning from a young age that irks me the most. Is this how you will behave in your husband’s house? Almost everything revolves around this fictional huzband. The crown on a woman’s head.
I am a firm believer that people should not go through life alone and that having a partner makes life so much better and easier, but people shouldn’t put other people under so much pressure. There’s absolutely nothing wrong if it takes time to find your person.
Women should not have to question their worth (as it is somehow her fault that she hasn’t found someone) because they are not married. This is not to mention the constant reminder of this classmate or that distant neighbour, as if social media is not enough. From the countless let-me-tell-you’s to accusations of pride, I can bet no one needs the added pressure of questions they have no answers to.
In this book, we also see the familiar trope of that aunty who is a living example young girls must not follow. Every Nigerian family seems to have one. From being unmarried to “putting her career first” (whatever that means) to not having children (sometimes, by no fault of theirs) to just about anything, these women are crucified during every sermon on the magnanimous topic of settling down.
This new year, let’s endeavour not to ask people questions they do not have answers to—on their birthdays, at family gatherings or at any point in time. Everything—including love—happens in its own time. Let people be. They will let you know when they have found the bone of their bone and the flesh of their flesh.
No matter how much you care, it is important to resist the urge to ask them any questions about getting married or having children or offer to pray for them or even refer them to your pastor, the miracle worker. If you know someone who may be a good match, connect them but otherwise, leave them be. Or send them money for their bills; I’m pretty sure they would appreciate that.
Have you read this book? What did you think about it? Leave a comment, maybe? 😉
If you read this book after reading this review, do come back and share 😊