#2: On Growing and Learning

A review of Bisi Adjapon's Of Women and Frogs (now Teller of Secrets)

Greetings! 👋🏽

I hope you are doing well. And taking good care of yourself.

Of Women and Frogs is Bisi Adjapon's first novel, first published in 2018 and republished as Teller of Secrets in 2021.

The book tells the coming-of-age story of a young girl, Esi, in the 1960s.

When she is about 7 years old, her father moves her and her brother, Kwabena, from Nigeria to Ghana, where they live with her father's wife, Auntie, and their daughters.

The story is quite relatable for young women who live in, or at some point, have been a part of the African society. It is written in first person perspective and makes a rather enthralling read.

Esi struggles to understand herself, her family and the society at large. She is very curious and always asking questions, which her father liked to answer.

One of the first things we are introduced to in this book is Esi's curiosity about her body. Her sister walks in on her checking herself out and runs to report to Auntie, Esi's stepmother. That curiosity is rewarded with humiliation, punishment in the form of ground ginger in her vagina and earns her the bad child award.

Esi, like many other young girls, knew nothing about their bodies or sexual relations. She was not taught, as such topics are taboo in many African homes.

For instance, Esi's introduction to sex is the squeaky sound the bed makes while she's at a hotel with her father in Accra, where they had traveled to see a doctor.

When she gets her first period, she's afraid she'll die because she thinks she's definitely being punished for a sin she committed.

She takes each day as it comes, winging it and hoping not to get into any trouble. To ask questions in some African homes is to question authority and that could earn you a thorough lashing.

Esi is somewhat worried about her mum not coming to see her and Kwabena but anytime she asks, her father tells her one story or another. The same thing happens when she goes to Lagos to visit her. We see the family connive to keep the secret about her mum from her, in a bid to protect her.

With time, Esi realises that men and women are held to different standards—boys are praised for the same things girls are shamed. She also learns that society generally places certain restrictions and unrealistic expectations on women.

From a young age, girls are groomed and taught to cook, clean the house, do laundry and behave well for their future husbands. However, talking about the boys who would become the said husbands and related matters is forbidden.

From replacing body parts and sexual terms with other words as if they are bad words (e.g. under-canoe, down-there, spreading, touch, etc.) to calling girls "bad" when they ask questions, young girls are left more confused by such snippets of conversation than what the conversation should be about in the first place. There is so much shame surrounding topics of sex, sexual relations and women's health. 

Young girls are expected to just know how to conduct themselves properly and not bring shame to the family. Some girls get a talk, if at all, when they get their first period, but that's about it.

There are warnings on what would happen and threats about what the parents would do, if a boy spreads or touches her, without explaining what that actually entails or how to deal with the strange feelings she now has towards boys. It is as though girls come pre-installed with a manual on how to navigate life, bearing the expectations of society.

The book also touches on the issue of considering girls who have been touched as fallen from grace and treating them differently. We see this with one of Esi's half-sisters, Abena, being ill-treated and later ostracised for being pregnant out of wedlock.

It is as though they are spoiled and others must avoid them so as not to suffer the same fate. This prevails in the African society today and some of the children even suffer for it by being treated differently by extended family members and other strangers.

Unsurprisingly, at no point are the men held to any level of accountability; it is conveniently forgotten that it takes two to tango.

When Esi gets married and her husband, Rudolph makes her have several abortions, she goes to her father. She is sure of his support for her and he actually says he would see his family but in the end, he believes Rudolph over her.

In a letter to her, he says she's making up stories and simply looking for an excuse to leave him. He then advises her to behave like a good wife. I bet we all know what this means. Sigh.

In the end, Esi decides to leave her husband."A woman's glory is her husband" her father writes in another letter to her. She is unbothered about this, probably because it was expected. She has learnt over time so she doesn't budge.

Esi chooses herself. This is something we rarely see and it breaks my heart every time. More women should choose themselves because at the end of the day, men always choose themselves.

Have you read this book? What did you think about it? Leave a comment, maybe? 😉

If you read this book after reading this review, do come back and share 😊

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